God is good

    The first time I heard these words I was at my absolute lowest darkest place. Out in the cold, on my hands and knees in the middle of a gravel road. I had just found out Bill's death was a homicide and that he had been shot and left, just discarded like he was nothing. I couldn't fathom that, because to me he was everything. I couldn't hear anything after that phone call, my face burning with rage, my head began to pound so hard that's all I could hear. I opened the pick up door and flung myself out of that moving truck landing on my hands and knees right there on the intersection of 4th and U road. I puked my guts out, uncontrollably shaking and in that moment the only comfort I had was the fridged air cooling my body and freezing the tears to my face. I hung my head and screamed to God why!!! I was in utter despair as the vomit and tears clung to my freezing face and hair. I wanted to die right there. I screamed for him to take me too. I knew that if I got up I would have to face my worst fears and tell my parents that their son not only died but was murdered. I thought they had already heard the worst news imaginable. I  physically didn't think I could get up and mentally I didn't want to. It was in that moment I heard in the most compassionate voice say "God is good." In disbelief I looked up and heard "Remember, God is good all the time." I knew in my soul that our heavenly father had just spoke to me. An overwhelming peace and comfort flowed through my body that could only be from the holy spirit. After a few moments I slowly stood up and began picking the bits of sharp gravel out of my bloody palms and knees, brushing the hair out of my face. I realized then God will always find you when you're at your lowest and stay beside you and encourage you as you continue to endure the storm. I wish I could tell you from that moment on life has gotten easier but that would be a lie. Truth is I'm exhausted by strength and I dream of never being called resilient again. I've learned first hand that life humbles us as we age. God didn't promise us life without pain, struggles or hardships. He did however promise to give us the strength to pick ourselves up and get through them. So always be the reason someone believes that God is good.