My days look different

My days look different since you left for Heaven.

It looks like searching for you, hoping to find a glimpse of you somewhere in a crowd, or carefully tucked in the lyrics of a song, and in the colors of every single sunset.

It looks like hoping you’ll call even though you haven’t since you left for Heaven.

It looks like listening to saved voicemails tearing up when I hear your voice. I miss the way my name sounded when you'd say it. 

It looks like wishing you would pull in the driveway again and leave your boots by the back door.

It looks like wishing that tears and prayers could bring you back because if so, you would have already been here by now.

It looks like wishing I didn’t know what the days felt like without you here. 

It looks like wondering why you had to leave so soon and in that way.

It looks like roasting marshmallows over a campfire. Your happiness was sitting next to a fire.

It looks like wondering what we would be doing together today if you were here.

It looks like hoping that maybe just maybe if I stare at that empty seat long enough you’ll finally be there.

It looks like forgetting how to catch my breath, or how  excruciating living with your loss can be.

It looks like having to remind myself that you are just a memory now.

It looks like waking up every morning only to remember you are really gone all over again.

It looks like knowing that my days will never look the same again since you left. 

I miss the me that went away with you. Mom says she lost us both that day and in a way she did. 

Most of all I miss the meaningless pictures like this that you'd send me almost everyday. 

Bill, I'll continue to love you with my whole heart for my whole life. 🖤